The Ultimate Plan

I'm a planner.  Every since I can remember, I've been a planner.  I like to have a plan in place.  I like to know what is coming next and what I need to do to prepare for it.  I plan what I'm going to wear the night before, I have a pretty good idea of what my week is going to look like and what I need to accomplish each day.  I plan my future.  Maybe its my type A personality and my logistical side or the need to appease my already present anxiety.  If there is a plan to be had, I have it.

When I was a little girl, I planned everything out in my head.  I'll go to college and become a teacher, meet a boy, fall in love, and start a family.  Along with a plan, there was a timeline.

When I was in high school, I had a plan.  I knew I was going to go to college and I knew it would be Campbellsville University.  There was no doubt when I majored in middle school education.  I loved the middle school age and math, so it sounded like a perfect fit.  I was also on the "four year" plan; get in, get out, and get to work.

The plan seem pretty simple.  It seem like it was the perfect fit for me.  Well, God had another plan.

The summer before my Senior year of college, I spent a week volunteering at a summer camp in Scottsville, KY.  The Center for Courageous Kids makes camp possible for children with disabilities and critical illness.  During that week, God opened my eyes to a whole new world.  I went back frequently throughout my Senior year to volunteer on weekends, and by frequently I mean every weekend.  I loved it.  I loved the kids I got to play with and love on.  It felt like the perfect activity to bring some pleasure to my life while I was waiting for my plan to fall into place.

I graduated from college and set out applying for every middle school teaching job I could find.  In the meantime that summer, I took a job at camp, so that I could invest in some amazing kids.  It turned out to be the best summer of my life, filled with some of the most defining moments I have had so far as an individual.  I found myself at CCK and little did I know, God was revealing and preparing me for the plan He had for my life.

Just weeks left in the summer, I was offered a job at Radcliff Middle School.  Which at the time, felt perfect.  Not only was I going to be teaching, which was my part of my dream and my plan, I was going to be doing it all alongside my best friend.  It was perfect, so I left camp early, moved to Elizabethtown, and started on what I thought was the best adventure ever at the time.

I quickly learned, teaching was no piece of cake, especially in a tough school.  But I expected that and was willing to overcome.  As that first year out of college wore on, I started to become more discouraged and unhappy with where I was.  Don't get me wrong, I had amazing friends and some wonderful co-workers, but it wasn't right.  I went into full anxiety mode, the stress destroyed me, and I spent a large portion of my time outside of school in tears because I dreaded going to work each day. This was not the life I had planned out.  Along with being a teacher, I planned on being happy.  I planned on everything being perfect.  It was never in my plan for me to go home each afternoon and google every other possible job route I could take.

I was crushed, beaten, and unhappy.  When I received a pink slip, it was a blessing.  I figured, I would start looking for other teaching jobs and in the meantime I went back for another round as a summer camp counselor at CCK.  

It was then that God started to place a passion in my heart and a desire to do something that never was part of my longterm plan.  I searched for jobs that summer and ended up working in intervention.  But I knew that my heart was with special needs kids.  I looked into Occupational Therapy, but decided it wasn't for me.  I then decided to stick semi with the plan and start a degree that would allow me to teach but in special education.  In the meantime, I worked on finding another teaching job, hoping that my first year of teaching was just a bit of bad luck.  After my third summer at camp, I accepted a job to teach at Munfordville Elementary.

Much different then my first teaching job, I enjoyed Munfordville and was blessed with amazing students.  I continued on with my degree and in the meantime enjoyed working with some amazing middle school kids.  I started to believe again that my plan of being a teacher was right for me.

For once I was happy.  After that first year at Munfordville, I was handed another pink slip.  I was crushed.  It didn't seem like I was allowed to be happy.  I spent that summer searching for another job, I had become a professional job searcher at this point.  Summer was over and I was still unemployed.  I started the process of looking for jobs at banks, in an office, whatever I could find.  Towards the end of that fall, I got a call that I never would have expected.  It was from Munfordville Elementary and they wanted me for an added math position they had that school year.  It was crazy, a school that let me go, wanted me back.  Now, I tell you, my prideful self wanted to quickly tell them no, but then again I was needing a job, I loved the kids, and the income would be nice.  I swallowed my pride, accepted the job, decorated my classroom and was excited about surprising my former students with my return.  I had an excellent year, loved what I was doing, but was pink slipped in the spring.

I was broken. The mind games of every spring and the never ending fear of a pink slip looming over your head was more than I could take.  I was starting to discover that maybe teaching wasn't for me and wasn't what God had in mind for my life. 

Looking back on all this, I see that God was doing nothing more than preparing me for His plan.  Things and situations don't work out like we imagine they will.  Maybe I spent four years getting a degree that I will never use again, but its not wasted. I'm still working on my Masters in special education, regardless if I will ever step back into a classroom full time.  I feel it is part of His plan to prepare me for something greater.  Something that was made just for me.

About seven months ago, God provided me with a job at The KidSpot Center that I love.  On my heart is a desire to work with children with special needs.  I guess it shouldn't surprise me that any job that doesn't allow me to do that wouldn't work out.  I'm unforsure of what my future holds, but I have been reminded of the one who holds my future.

In the last few years, I have been broken.  But it was through that brokeness that God revealed to me His plan.  Not my plan, but His.  His plan is so much greater and fulfilling then mine would ever be.  Yes, teaching middle school math would be nice, but knowing that I'm where I'm suppose to be and fulfilling my purpose in life is better.  Today, I'm thankful for that brokeness and the journey that God lead me on, even if it did feel like every new turn was nothing more than a dead end.

So the question is: Are you following your plan or His plan?  His plan is so much better then anything we can ever dream up.